"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize