have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
