Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
