Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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