Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
