hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize