You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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