Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
two words...techno handjob
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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