I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
