We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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