he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
