my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
