he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She's the barista slut.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
