"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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