Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize