New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
