I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
