There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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