I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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