Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
