she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
