Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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