hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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