Do you still have your period?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize