dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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