Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
