im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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