Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
