I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
