you will always have a special place in my vag
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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