just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
