Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
