I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How's work?
Spinning.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
