Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
