All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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