I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
