My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
