the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
