Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He did a backflip because drugs
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
