today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
