would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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