Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize