my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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