i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
