I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
