my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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