What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
