between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
