Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
