all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize