he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
