If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
