Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize