More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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