We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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