this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
