sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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