It's Friday. Sex?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
