that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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