I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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