We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
