you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
