How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
