I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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