I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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