I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
