they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize