I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
