i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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