She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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