just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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