i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
