i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
