I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
